Joysticks (1983)

**

Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for this kind of movie, or maybe it's because I never watched it back in the early 80's but I couldn't get into it at all.

This film is absolute garbage and looks like it was made in about a week to try and capitalise on the success of the other more successful teen sex comedies of the early 80's, Screwballs, Porky's, The Last American Virgin and alike. In fact, I blame the Lemon Popsicle franchise for all this. Having said that, this is a teen sex comedy. What was I expecting to find?

I fully understand that the makers of the film knew it was going to be a piece of trash and that was the intention from the outset, but it did not do a thing for me. I love bad cinema and some of my favourite rewatchable films are crap like Street Trash, Aerobicide, The Pit, The Demons of Ludlow etc. so trust me, I know how to enjoy bad, bad films with a huge smile on my face.

I'm going to give this film a fair crack again in the future and not watch it when i'm expecting a laugh out loud comedy. I'll make sure to screen it with friends with lots of alcohol flowing.

The Longest Yard (1974)

****

One of my absolute favourites from the 70's. My wife and I have the UK quad poster on the wall in our house but she'd ever actually seen the film so I thought it was a great time to revisit it, seeing as though i've been nailing that decade lately.

It hadn't aged a bit, in fact it only gets better with each viewing. Unlike the awful remakes where they cast wrestlers and big name Hollywood stars as the guards and inmates, this one casts real tough looking men and it just works. Obviously the film needs a few main stars to carry it's weight but I thought the casting choices were spot on. Reynolds is fantastic as the quarterback Paul Crewe, and the guards are all mean as hell.

I love this film and if you haven't seen it, please correct that.

Blue Valentine (2010)

*****

This film just knocked me right off my feet. I'm not sure what I was expecting going into it. I hadn't seen the trailer and I knew very little about the plot, all I knew was that Ryan Gosling was in it whom I absolutely love, he's such an underrated actor.

This film is so brutal and very emotional. I can't say that i'm going to revisit it very often as it's a difficult watch, but it's also one that had a very emotional impact on me. It's basically a love story, I don't want to spoil anything more than that.

It's weird that in the film there is a scene where they mourn the loss of their pet dog, and after the film that's the same feeling I got back from this experience. Weird I know but it's true.

There are some parts of this movie that remind me of Once, another great love story. None more so than the scene in which Ryan Gosling's character is playing the Ukulele to Michelle Williams while singing "You Always Hurt the Ones You Love". Damn, that scene hit me harder than any other.

Go see this film! It's fantastic. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Horton Hears A Who! (2008)

***

I was in the mood for a harmless family fun animated film and this seemed to tick all the boxes. It does exactly what it says on the tin really, it's nothing special but for what I was expecting and hoping for it was perfect. Don't get me wrong it's no Ice Age and definitely no Pixar masterpiece but I don't think it tries to be. One thing that bothered me was the look of the Whos of Whoville appear to have been based on The Cat in the Hat, and I didn't care too much for that.

Pretty funny in parts and on the whole a pretty good family film that kept me entertained throughout.

Phantasm (1979)

***½

"You play a good game boy, but the game is finished, now you die."

As a kid the horror genre was by far my favourite genre, so my refusal to screen this one is a complete mystery to me. I've had it for years on VHS and people have always told me how creepy it is but it's just never appealed to me. Well all I can say is that my childhood was never complete having skipped it.

As the lead character I doubt you could find a much worser actor than Michael Baldwin, he was dreadful. I tried so hard to like him but he's just got one of those annoying faces that it became unbearable to watch him in the end. I think Sammy Snyders could have done a much better job here. To be honest the acting in general is pretty average at best but I guess that's part of it's charm. I feel the same way about this film as I do with something like House (1986), except this one is much more creepier.
I have to admit it, The Tall Man did give me a few minor jumps as did the little ewok/troll monsters that kept popping up. "Booooooyyy!"

The score for this film is nothing short of spectacular too. From the opening credits (there weren't any) to the end scene, the music was spot on for setting the mood and tempo of the film, very eerie.

Overall this film was pretty great and i'm glad I finally had a chance to check it out. It's just a shame that I waited this long because I reckon if i'd have screened it at the age of 11 when I had my horror phase, i'd have loved it even more.

Straight Time (1978)

****

"Please God, don't let him get caught."

Straight Time is the story of Max Dembo (Dustin Hoffman), a former burglar who has just served 6 years in prison and now released on parole. All he wants to do is go straight, get a real job and earn some dignity but his parole officer Earl (M. Emmet Walsh) has other ideas. After becoming increasingly frustrated Max soon gets caught up in all sorts of trouble and it's not too long before he returns to a life of crime.

This film has an unbleievable cast. You have Dustin Hoffman as the lead with Gary Busey and Harry Dean Stanton as his friends. You then have Kathy Bates as a (very slim) wife of Gary Busey's character Willy and Jake Busey playing the on screen (as well as off) son as well. As if that wasn't enough you even get M. Emmet Walsh playing the psychotic parole officer. It's just a fantastic line-up of top draw hollywood actors.

My favourite scene from the entire movie involves Max and his parole officer in the car.
Earl cracks down on him at every opportunity and it's not long before he's packed Max back off to jail after suspecting him of using heroine. When Max's urine tests negative for any drugs he is released yet again and takes his frustration out on the power-hungry parole officer. Beating him at the wheel of his car before chaining him to a fence butt naked, and then leaving him for the whole city to see by the side of the road. It's the major turning point in the film and the scene where Max is finally broken.

I loved the film and thought it was a great character study of a man looking to make it in the world and change his ways. For all his efforts in his attempts to do so, you still always got the feeling that he could have his head turned by the lure of money. If nobody gives him a fair shot after prison and he can't make a single buck, it's only a matter of time before he understands that money is made easiest and quickest when stolen.

This is a very slow burning story but one which requires and ultimately deserves your full attention.

Framed (1975)

***¾

"He was taken by everyone, for everything he had. All he had left was one obsession. To get even. To pay them back two for one."

Ron Lewis (Don Baker) is a high stakes gambler, and after winning the jackpot in Dallas against some Turkey's he gets ambushed on his way home. Shots are fired at him from an unknown hitman but he nevertheless manages to make it home. Upon arriving home he is met by the pushy sheriff Haskins, who is hell bent on intimidating him into a fight. Ron accidentally kills Haskins in self defence but is sentenced to 2-10 years in prison for his murder anyway. The jackpot money which he won was also taken from his car just after the attack by the police commissioner Morello. And after meeting a mob boss named Sal in prison, Ron vows to get revenge on the mayor and police commissioner that took away everything he had.

I really enjoyed this one, and after watching Charley Varrick, which will no doubt become an all time favourite of mine after a rewatch I fell in love with one Joe Don Baker, and as the lead actor in this film he didn't disappoint me. He's a man mountain, fearless and shines throughout in this pretty obscure flick about one man's revenge for the truth.

It also features some pretty disturbing scenes which caught me right off guard. One was a desk scene where a blade is stabbed through the top of a guy's hand and it's done with great care, that was not a rushed job. Another scene is where Ron is beating some information out of a detective and puts something like an air or gas pump into the guy's ear, his good one too as his other ear is hanging by a thread from an earlier punishment. The same poor guy is also dragged through his car window by his nostrils.

His girlfriend (as dippy as she is), plays a rather sweet part too. Her singing got on my nerves a little after a while but I couldn't help but forgive her as she was so innocent.
Most of my favourite parts about the film were all based in the prison. I thought Ron looked at home there and certainly felt comfortable. If he can command a comment from Sal (whose practically the mafia boss around those parts), about how he's never met anyone as cold as him, then i'm sure he would have coped just fine had he have stayed the whole ten years behind bars. He's also a mean-ass poker player too, shuffles like a young Phil Laak.

While it's nothing spectacular, this film kept me entertained throughout and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'll definitely be checking out more of Joe Don Baker's other 70's work, like Walking Tall and The Outfit for starters.

"How could I forget? First time I ever seen a tub of shit in a suit."